This series is about Renewing yourself for YOU in 2011. Each blogger will be writing about different resolution type topics like budgeting, frugal weight loss, organizing, making time for yourself and accepting you for you.  I hope you will join us as we help support each other in RENEW’ing ourselves.

Self-Esteem: What’s your Style?

It is a new year which means you know what… those dreaded resolutions – (do you hear me screaming???) No seriously – that blood curdling scream where you go in a closet and block your own ears and scream as loud as you possible can. You ought to try it sometime – for real… not just your cartoon self doing it in your head (I would so draw a picture if I had any talent at all).

I am screaming because in my mind it is another set up for failure.  Another time I can set UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS for myself and FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. We never aim low with resolutions… it is always I will lose 50 lbs (not 5 -10), have the best blog, have the perfect budget, be the perfect parent, the perfect spouse, the perfect housekeeper, the perfect everything.  OK – I have perfect child syndrome, but we will talk about that later.

My theory as to why resolutions fail is two-fold:

• They are UNREALISTIC goals – I mean really, think about it.
• They are usually for someone else, not YOU.

We set such lofty goals because we are NUTS and for many more reasons we will touch upon later in the series – including feeling self-worth, a feeling of success and more.  At the same time women are also trying to meet everyone’s needs and do things for others.  If you are losing weight for your guy or because you think you need to look like those crazy models on TV, you will FAIL.  You need to lose weight for YOU!  It goes for all resolutions – you need to save money and organize for YOU… take time for YOU. The reason most resolutions fail is that we do not have support AND we are NOT doing them for the right reasons. Too many times we are competing with others – striving to be just like them.  This, I believe stems from self-esteem and not accepting ourselves for who we are.

Though I have been very successful “outwardly” in many phases in my life, this is one of my biggest issues that I am hoping to put a dent in this year.  (NOTE… I did not say completely overcome or beat or any other crazy unreasonable goal.) You may say, Lynn, it is all in your head – AND YOU ARE RIGHT – but it is a HUGE elephant in my head that affects my happiness, my actions and my mental well being.

Before jumping into 2011 and figuring out who we want to be, let’s talk about who we are and why.  I want to share with you the commencement address I wrote for my college graduation 20 YEARS AGO – yes, I am THAT old.  Believe it or not, I had to retype it since the only existing copy is a yellowed typed copy since computers were only just beginning to be used at the time.  I left it as originally written… sorry for the length of the post…

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In preparing for this commencement address, many thoughts went through my mind.  My speech must be quick and to the point.  It must not contain the word “future” as is frequently done in graduation ceremonies.  My message should not try to be too profound, nor be too funny or entice tears on the faces of parents, guests and graduating seniors.  I’ll try to do my best.

The theme for this year’s senior week activities was “Going Out In Style”… At first, style meant class, “Je ne sais quoi”, that certain something.  We are about to graduate from the number one comprehensive engineering institute in the Northeast.  We have the world at our feet.  How could we not have style?

I remember my thoughts leaving an all girl Catholic high school where the nuns expected me to go to a private liberal arts college.  The expectation being that I’d find a husband.  They certainly were not encouraging me to attend an engineering school where men outnumber women six to one.  My attitude at the time was more reflective of a quotes by Thomas Wolfe, “I don’t know yet what I am capable of doing, but by God, I have Genius – I know it too well to blush behind it.“  I stand before you as evidence of someone who was motivated by her own expectations, as is probably true for everyone graduating today.

Orientation made me realize this all too quickly.  I was part of a swarm of similar minded young adults eager to succeed.  Our over anxious egos were humbled after our first physics exam.  The class average was a 38 and the Haitian proverb that “Ignorance doesn’t kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot.” certainly proved true.

Exams continued.  The homework got harder.  In fact, there were many times when I questioned the use of a college education.  Especially when it required that I subject myself to a fierce Worcester winter storm to attend an 8 am lecture,  or required that I spend more than one Friday night at the computer center trying to finish my Major Qualifying Project.

Yes, who needs a college degree anyway?  Many people have survived and prospered without one.  The narrator in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, was content to sit day after day in the fields catching children before they fell over the cliff.  His teacher, however, pointed out to him the true value of education when he said, “If you go along with it any considerable distance, it’ll begin to give you an idea what size mind you have.  What it’ll fit and, maybe, what it won’t.  After a while, you’ll have an idea what kind of thoughts your particular size mind should be wearing.  For one thing, it may save you an extraordinary amount of time trying on ideas that don’t suit you, aren’t becoming to you.  You’ll begin to know your true measurements and dress your mind accordingly.”

As a result of attending WPI, we have dressed our minds.  This is the meaning of the word “style” when we are “going out in style.”  Through our college experience, we have seen what they’re wearing in all states, countries and lifestyles.  We have brushed shoulders with the shy and timid, the loud and boisterous, and the unique and eccentric.  Along the way we have made mistakes and tried on things that just didn’t fit. After 4 years we have found our style.  We have dressed our mind with outfits influenced by some.  We have picked up accessories from others.

Worcester Polytechnic Institute has given us all the “style” to chart our own course.  As I conclude my remarks, I refer to Shakespeare as he cautions, “We are yet young indeed.”  He appears to be implying that we still have a lot to learn.  Undoubtedly, we will continue to grow and our styles will continue to change.

Many say that we have just completed the four greatest years of our lives.  A sentiment which might leave us to wondering what’s to come.  Will it be as exciting?  Will we learn as much?  Will there always be the kind of support that has guided us thus far?  A rather popular lyricist, not I, leaves us with a concise, profound and possible tear provoking sentiment which seems appropriate to leave all of you with today.  Her words were:

We have only just begun to live.
We start out walking and learn to run,
kiss for luck and we’re on our way…

THIS is what I mean by Going Out in Style.

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So it is up to us to decide what “accessories” fit us now,  and which ones were a good influence at the time but are WAY OUT OF STYLE.  Those leg warmers, ripped sweatshirts and big belts served their purpose then and are fun to take out for Halloween, but I would not be caught dead in them now.  Just as you may have had friends and made decisions that do not FIT now.  BUT those friends, decisions and experiences (bad & good) all shape who you are today.  They are accessories – WE DECIDE WHICH ONES TO WEAR.  Some you use daily, are packed away in your attic, and some, like Aunt Millie’s disapproving scarf, can be burned!  We can look back on them and appreciate them, but you do not have to hold on to all of them or BE ALL OF THEM.  You can admire an “accessory” on someone else without needing to have it.

I mean seriously – too many accessories are too heavy to carry around and quite frankly look obnoxious.  Do you want to be that glittery, flashy, 100 bangles jingling lady wearing too much perfume and make-up.  THAT is the equivalent to you trying to be too many things, carrying around too much CRAP.  It is exhausting physically, emotionally and spiritually trying to be everything to everyone – so STOP…..

What ridiculous resolutions have you made in the past?

What accessories are you carrying around that you need to pack away?

Let’s consider 2011 as the year “We have only just begun to live. We start out walking and learn to run, kiss for luck and we’re on our way…” Join me next week to continue our journey.

Check out the other RENEW for YOU topics this week:

• Family Budget – Kansas City Mamas

• Frugal Weight Loss – Stockpiling Moms:  A Guide to Frugal Living

• Coupon Organization – Coupon Teacher

• Care for Yourself – Lessons Learned from Postpartum Depression - Give Me Neither